Author: Nei Haokip

Esther 1:12 But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king become furious and burned with anger.

As I meditated from the book of Esther, something stuck in my mind. I saw that On the 7^th day when King Xerxes was in high spirit, he asked his attendants to tell Queen Vashti to wear her crown and to display her beauty, for others to look at, for she was lovely to look at, but the Queen refused.

The King was furious and burned with anger. Had you thought about, why the Queen refused so, it is true in those times nobody refused the King’s order, and every woman respected and did as their husbands said since they were in the time of patriarchy. Not only that, refusing the King’s order means the end of everything. The men can have as many wives as they could. The queen didn’t even care about her position, which someone else replaced later on.

The Bible didn’t talk about, Queen Vashti any longer after this incident. Did anyone think about what Queen Vashti must be going through, to take this decision to refuse the King and give up everything? Was there anyone who was there for her, to listen to her, what she was going through? Did anyone think about, her side of the story?

My dear, I want to tell you today, to listen to the other side of the story as well. What you see in front of your eyes is not everything. You never know what someone is going through.

“Be a listening ear to someone, everyone needs someone to understand, their side of the story.”- Nei

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.                                                                                          

Yes! I met this wonderful friend, in my life Journey, who was different from others. I felt like he understood me even when I didn’t speak a word. He gave me space when I need…He just understand me from far, slowly and slowly I began to trust him. I had never known someone like him to exist, he was the only man to whom I can open up, I can talk about anything, he never judged me, and he just listened to me. I had no problem talking about my weakness to him. Because I knew he genuinely wants to understand me, and wants me to become a better me.

Doesn’t matter what it is, even when I didn’t understand myself, he look into my eyes and told me, it’s okay…he told me all my weaknesses were completely alright. He always helps me to think about what I am good at. He saw in me things nobody sees. He helped me to understand myself, love myself, and helped me want to grow more, to become a better version of myself. I think this is what God would want for all of us.

Even today, when I thought about him, I felt really blessed to meet him on this journey. Indeed he was an angel, sent by God, for a moment. He cross my life for a short while, but his impact was big on my life. He makes me a better person. My dear today be an angel to someone and build others around you. You never knew what impact you can make in someone’s life.

“Be someone’s angel, send by God…to build others up.”- Nei

Revelation 7:9 After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands.

It was on 3^rd July 2021, Indian Christian day, I make up my mind to spent my time in prayer, and as I checked my what’s aap messages I saw an International zoom meeting organised by the “ONE WITH CHRIST” group. So I decided to participate in it.

The meeting began from 6:30 pm Indian Standard Time, as the meeting starts I came to know that Angela and I were the youngest members of the prayer band. All were introduced, and in the process of our prayer what I can see is that, age group really doesn’t matter for God, because all age groups old, adult, youth all are together, sharing their burdens for the kingdom of God.

We could enjoy the miniature of God’s kingdom in this short hours of prayer, as all people from different nations (Italy, Argentina, Belgium, England, India, Africa, etc.) comes together, with one heart and one spirit no matter where we are, what languages we spoke, where we come from, which age group we belong, which Job we had, this time we all are equal, we all are just children of God.

Everyone shared their testimonies and we all are blessed, encouraging one another. I never had known the majority of these people in this Zoom meeting but, it feels like they are my extended family, and this Bible verse came so alive, after this, I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes, people and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. Even in the meets of difficult circumstances people are going through due to Covid 19, we could still experience a miniature of Heaven here on earth, and I am just amazed at what would be like when we experience the Kingdom of God fully

Dear, I want to let you know today, even if it hurts so bad, even all you see is evil everywhere you turn. Even if you prayed Lord thy kingdom come, once again lift up your eyes open your Spiritual  eyes and see around you…you will be able to see the miniature of God’s kingdom present in our meets.

“The truth is the miniature of God’s kingdom is among us, we need to open our spiritual eyes to see it clearly.”- Nei

1 Corinthians 6:20 For you were brought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

13^th July 2021. It was last week 30 year old Christian lady suicide in Delhi, nobody knew the reason. I felt so bad, thinking what if someone was there for her, what if I were the one who was there for her, what if I’m a counselor, maybe I’ll be able to make a difference. Again another sad suicide news came, one of my friends from Nagaland who was brought up in a happy Christian family, lost her younger brother who was a worship leader so delighted and had good terms will all his friends. As I spoke to my friend, I can emphasize the pain they must be going through.

I really wish everyone knows, that Satan is becoming so clever, more than our bodies he targets our hearts, minds, and emotions and makes it his battlefield. Many of our minds and hearts are paralyzed we are already dead even when our body is doing fine not even remembering this life is not ours. We cannot really understand what someone is going through by their outward appearance.

My dear, I don’t know what you are going through today, but remember the Bible says if anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him/her. For God’s temple is holy and you are that temple. The Bible also says for you are bought with a price. This shows this life is not ours, God gave us this life to take care of and live according to His will, be mindful of it one day He’ll claim for it.

“You are the temple of God, and the truth is God lives in His temple, so even when it hurts like Hell, remember He is right there for you.”- Nei

John 11:4 This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.

There are times in our lives when the answers to our prayers are being delayed. After giving a deep thought about it, there comes a day, when God taught me about it. It makes me think what if God had given me the answer right away, will I be able to handle and accept it? No.

Most of the time when God delayed the answers to our prayers, He is preparing us, shaping us, and molding us for the appointed time. Because He knew He is going to answer your prayer in the way you didn’t expect, it will hurt and break you down. So He saw it first and delayed it, giving you time and nurturing you to be a stronger and understanding you in Christ.

When God answers you at the right time, it might hurt you but remember He will also give you the strength to overcome it. It won’t lead you to your destruction, because it is His way of protecting you from something harmful for you in the future. Just trust Him and let His will be fulfilled in your lives, even if it hurts. 

So today, I just want to tell you, that if God delayed the answers to your prayers, just be patient and ask Him to prepare you so that you will be able to handle the answers to your prayers in His timing.

“If God didn’t give you what you want, don’t be sad, it’s His way of protecting you.”-Nei

Isaiah 43:1-3 But now, this is what the Lord says- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

It was back on 14/3/2020, Theological Students Fellowship (TSF), the day when NTC, DBC, and PTS three theological seminary students in Dehradun meet once a year and fellowship together. I was not in the mood to go there, but my friends were pushing me to go. So I had a quiet time in the morning in our prayer room, asking God, Abba please talk to me, one word from you will be enough for me.

As we went to PTS for this program, I was seated in the 2nd line of the first row, and beside me was a girl from PTS whom I haven’t known before from Assam. As the worship starts we all stand and worship God with closed eyes and deep down ask God to speak to me…singing the Hindi song “Tumsa Koi Nahi”. Just after the prayer the Girl beside me called me, I said yes…she said God wants to say something to you, while in prayer God spoke to me I thought it was for me, but God said it is for the girl beside you i’e you, I was surprised, telling her …okay tell me, she said “ You are so precious in His sight, you have a short temper, stubborn, at the same time you feel rejected, but God told that He will use you greatly in the future, He has a plan for you.” This is what I need, God sees me in and out. I just sat there crying and surrendering my life to God.

My dear today I just want to let you know that, if you feel the same as me at this point of your life, you are precious in His sight, He wants to tell you that you are His. No matter what you go through, He knows and sees it through. He always listens to you, just take a moment and ask Him to talk to you.

“I am telling you, one word from Him will be more than enough for you.”-Nei

Psalm 9:1 I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.

22/3/2019 here comes the last day of our class before the exam, Johnson our class monitor prayed a thanksgiving prayer, thanking God for bringing us all thus far and for all His faithfulness. As he prayed I look back at the beginning of the semester my heart was filled with thankfulness for God.

It was the last Abba Father for the semester as well, reflecting on how God brought me thus far, in the first Abba Father I cried out to God as life was so uncertain and confusing, there was even a time I didn’t expect to see this day, but He proved me today, how faithful He is to me. I just thank God for forgiving our sins even when we hurt Him like hell, I thank God for giving my Dad one more chance again, I thank God for giving me my fees on time, and I thank God for all the pains and struggles He allowed me to go through. It was those days I see Him more clearly, and search Him more, know Him more and Love Him more…

As Samuel P Rajan sir said:

“Love Him to know Him and know Him to love Him”

“He is always in His temple that is you”

“He fights a battle for you”

“He is your Light”

The struggles and the pains help me to experience Him in a better way and more closely, my heart was filled with gratitude. My Dear, take a moment today and reflect on how He has brought you thus far like the Psalmist gives thanks to Him and tells of all His wonderful deeds. 

“Life is not easy, take a deep breath, and move forward with faith, counting His blessings on your life.” – Nei

1st Samuel 1:13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk.

There also comes a day in my life, when I was misunderstood, rumors are spread, people misinterpreted me, not knowing what the truth is, not knowing what I was really going through. Some people how much you try they are hard to love, I hope you understand this, had you gone through the same.

These times are long and it hurt so bad, I didn’t understand why they do what they do? It was even harder to understand when they smile at you and they are so good to you, but at your back, you can see clearly…what they said about you.

It was back on 13/3/2020 more than 100 houses was burnt down many of my relatives lost everything, even one of my little cousin was missing for two days, nobody knew where he is, his parents were not at home, he was there alone when this happened. Being away and staying in a hostel, I was worried sick. Scrolling through all the pictures and videos on social media, what one Christian village did to the other, break my heart. So I took leave the next day telling my wardens the reason behind my leave, and they agreed so. I  fast and prayed for both the villages, as we called ourselves Christians but our actions were brutal. Asking God to forgive us our sins, and intervene in the situation.

To my surprise even, my leave for this day was interpreted in a different way, spreading rumors on the whole campus, which I came to know one year later. The day I knew this after one year from a friend, I just wonder how people easily say anything not knowing what the truth is, I was a little disturbed. Then, I realized why I care, what people think about me, that’s not important, I cannot change their minds. But, my dear today, I don’t care what they might be thinking about me, because I now know that God only Knows, what the truth is, and that is completely enough. Take heart if you are being misunderstood, for He knows the truth, you don’t have to clarify yourselves to others, people believed in only what they see.

“Abba, give me the heart to forgive, and love still, those who wronged me.”- Nei

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust you because You have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord.

It is funny to say that I am a girl who trusts everyone, some people I trust more than myself and believed that they can’t ever do wrong, they will never betray me, at the same time, I used to think they will trust and believed me as I do. But I am dead wrong…this is not possible as they are just human beings. It is true that we all are human and have our own weaknesses. I searched for what is in God within Humans which is not possible.

This notion of trusting others break me down again and again but didn’t learn from it. It was in 2018 that I was first time emotionally broken down due to trusting others, again in 2019 I goes through the same thing with trusted people, these struggles affect my life, studies, relationships, and everything. It hurts so bad that I thought I can never trust others again, I was in depression…I hate everyone, I don’t want to talk and don’t want to be around others, negativity crept into my mind, all at once I cannot understand why people are so lame, they say something else and do something else.

I was totally changed, the girl who was known to be a positive girl changed into something else, I missed the old me, who easily trust others, filled with positive vibes wherever she is. I feel like I am lost, I want someone to come and save me from this, I feel like I was drawing, day after day, Can’t share it with anyone.

It was during this time, God showed me He alone is trustworthy. As long as you trust others and expect others to treat you the same you do. You will be hurt and broken again and again. Trust only me, for I am your God, I cannot share your trust with others. Remember that I should be the only one whom you should trust 100%, and you should depend on me alone. This is the lesson I learned a hard way. Dear if you are hurt because you trust others more than yourself, I am telling you… you will only end up hurting yourself again and again…remember only God is trustworthy.

“Trust human and you will be torn apart, trust God and He will mend you.”- Nei

John 15:16a You did not choose me, but I choose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit.

As I thought about my calling, which I feel unfit for it, insecurities crept into my mind… wondering will I be able to complete this task in which I had stepped in.

Holy Spirit convict me, saying you are one of a kind, woven by God uniquely, for his specific purpose, so you heard the Voice and took a step of faith in spite of the uncertainties and all your insecurities.

Yes, the calling is unique, and you are quite unsure of it. Many eyes are veiled but blessed are those who heard this voice, it is few who understand the calling.

It is so real because you can feel it at the same time it is despair because you cannot prove it. The only thing is one has to march on with faith, to the unknown path tuning to the Voice, the inner Voice.

My dear, today if you hear the voice (the calling) don’t be scared take a step of FAITH, you are the blessed one because you didn’t choose Him, but He Choose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit.

“If you take the step of faith in the calling, be sure of it He will carry you in the darkest hours”- Nei