“A thankful heart”

Psalm 9:1 I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.

22/3/2019 here comes the last day of our class before the exam, Johnson our class monitor prayed a thanksgiving prayer, thanking God for bringing us all thus far and for all His faithfulness. As he prayed I look back at the beginning of the semester my heart was filled with thankfulness for God.

It was the last Abba Father for the semester as well, reflecting on how God brought me thus far, in the first Abba Father I cried out to God as life was so uncertain and confusing, there was even a time I didn’t expect to see this day, but He proved me today, how faithful He is to me. I just thank God for forgiving our sins even when we hurt Him like hell, I thank God for giving my Dad one more chance again, I thank God for giving me my fees on time, and I thank God for all the pains and struggles He allowed me to go through. It was those days I see Him more clearly, and search Him more, know Him more and Love Him more…

As Samuel P Rajan sir said:

“Love Him to know Him and know Him to love Him”

“He is always in His temple that is you”

“He fights a battle for you”

“He is your Light”

The struggles and the pains help me to experience Him in a better way and more closely, my heart was filled with gratitude. My Dear, take a moment today and reflect on how He has brought you thus far like the Psalmist gives thanks to Him and tells of all His wonderful deeds. 

“Life is not easy, take a deep breath, and move forward with faith, counting His blessings on your life.” – Nei

  “He only Knows”

1st Samuel 1:13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk.

There also comes a day in my life, when I was misunderstood, rumors are spread, people misinterpreted me, not knowing what the truth is, not knowing what I was really going through. Some people how much you try they are hard to love, I hope you understand this, had you gone through the same.

These times are long and it hurt so bad, I didn’t understand why they do what they do? It was even harder to understand when they smile at you and they are so good to you, but at your back, you can see clearly…what they said about you.

It was back on 13/3/2020 more than 100 houses was burnt down many of my relatives lost everything, even one of my little cousin was missing for two days, nobody knew where he is, his parents were not at home, he was there alone when this happened. Being away and staying in a hostel, I was worried sick. Scrolling through all the pictures and videos on social media, what one Christian village did to the other, break my heart. So I took leave the next day telling my wardens the reason behind my leave, and they agreed so. I  fast and prayed for both the villages, as we called ourselves Christians but our actions were brutal. Asking God to forgive us our sins, and intervene in the situation.

To my surprise even, my leave for this day was interpreted in a different way, spreading rumors on the whole campus, which I came to know one year later. The day I knew this after one year from a friend, I just wonder how people easily say anything not knowing what the truth is, I was a little disturbed. Then, I realized why I care, what people think about me, that’s not important, I cannot change their minds. But, my dear today, I don’t care what they might be thinking about me, because I now know that God only Knows, what the truth is, and that is completely enough. Take heart if you are being misunderstood, for He knows the truth, you don’t have to clarify yourselves to others, people believed in only what they see.

“Abba, give me the heart to forgive, and love still, those who wronged me.”- Nei

 “Trustworthy God”

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust you because You have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord.

It is funny to say that I am a girl who trusts everyone, some people I trust more than myself and believed that they can’t ever do wrong, they will never betray me, at the same time, I used to think they will trust and believed me as I do. But I am dead wrong…this is not possible as they are just human beings. It is true that we all are human and have our own weaknesses. I searched for what is in God within Humans which is not possible.

This notion of trusting others break me down again and again but didn’t learn from it. It was in 2018 that I was first time emotionally broken down due to trusting others, again in 2019 I goes through the same thing with trusted people, these struggles affect my life, studies, relationships, and everything. It hurts so bad that I thought I can never trust others again, I was in depression…I hate everyone, I don’t want to talk and don’t want to be around others, negativity crept into my mind, all at once I cannot understand why people are so lame, they say something else and do something else.

I was totally changed, the girl who was known to be a positive girl changed into something else, I missed the old me, who easily trust others, filled with positive vibes wherever she is. I feel like I am lost, I want someone to come and save me from this, I feel like I was drawing, day after day, Can’t share it with anyone.

It was during this time, God showed me He alone is trustworthy. As long as you trust others and expect others to treat you the same you do. You will be hurt and broken again and again. Trust only me, for I am your God, I cannot share your trust with others. Remember that I should be the only one whom you should trust 100%, and you should depend on me alone. This is the lesson I learned a hard way. Dear if you are hurt because you trust others more than yourself, I am telling you… you will only end up hurting yourself again and again…remember only God is trustworthy.

“Trust human and you will be torn apart, trust God and He will mend you.”- Nei